Doubter Casts a Shadow
by Rosie eisoR
Summary: Neal chose to stay at the university. How much impact would this have had on the others? Did the realm REALLY need another knight who preferred reading to fighting? series. i hope.
1. Default Chapter

Ok, this was part of my series of 'What if' fics, but the reviewers informed me that they would like to see a continuation (see, I listen! :P). I have a very sketchy idea of how it could turn out, hopefully avoiding clichés, so I'd like to see if I can generate some interest for it. I'm just about to finish my favourite fic, 'Yours' (see how good I am at these plugs?), which has been taking up a lot of my time, so I should have time for this, with a little encouragement. Yes, I am shameless. Feel free to rip my story to shreds if you so desire.  
  
*  
  
His eyes were beginning to strain from reading the small text. The candle flickered and hissed out as the flame sank into the melted wax.  
  
Nealan of Queenscove sighed and called a ball of emerald green light to hand, sending shadows flickering over the dark room. He shut the book and replaced it on the shelf, next to all the other tomes.  
  
Lately, Neal had begun to feel somewhat bored with life. His thirst for knowledge was too easily quenched here at the university. Sometimes he wondered what life would have been like, if he had pursued his ideas of knighthood. The heartbreak in his parents' eyes when he had broached the subject had stopped him pursuing it, though. The loss of his elder brothers was still too raw. He couldn't let his parents go through the heartache again.  
  
And, besides, did the realm really need a knight who preferred reading to fighting?  
  
*  
  
Keladry of Mindelan stopped her packing to scrub at her eyes furiously.  
  
I am stone. Calm. I am stone.  
  
Stone didn't constantly have to ask directions from the palace servants because its sponsor hadn't given her the right directions. Stone didn't have to clean all the horses belonging to its sponsor and friends, every night. Stone didn't have to complete menial tasks during free time, leaving no time for practicing or homework.  
  
Keladry of Mindelan did.  
  
Stone. I am stone.  
  
For once, the Yamani pretence didn't help. Frustrated, the girl sank down onto her bed. No, not her bed. She would never see this room again, never have to wake up to another day of torture again. Never have her clothes stolen again. Never have her hair pulled, her homework stolen, her chair taken from under her as she was about to sit down.  
  
Never again, because this time, Keladry was ready to give in.  
  
All she had wanted was one chance. From the beginning, none of them had allowed her to succeed, not the training master, not her sponsor or his friends, not the King. And especially not Alanna the Lioness. The one person who would have understood, who could have helped Kel, and all she did was stay away from the palace.  
  
Kel resumed packing.  
  
Stone. Nothing can touch me.  
  
Never again.  
  
*  
  
Alanna the Lioness braced her hands on the wall, the wind carelessly flinging her loose hair around. She didn't seem to notice the incandescent flying across her face. Her expression was impassive; her unusual violet eyes watched a coach draw away from the palace.  
  
Keladry of Mindelan had given in.  
  
"You couldn't have helped her, Alanna," a quiet voice said from behind. "It wasn't the right time, that's all. The people just aren't ready. We knew this might happen."  
  
His Champion turned to face him, eyes cold enough to freeze a blizzard in its tracks. Silently, she pushed past him, heading for the door.  
  
He knew she'd be upset; the first female page was a failure. She'd put so much hope into this year, and it was a big letdown, he understood that. But she didn't have to take it out on him. There would be others, it would just take longer, that was all.  
  
He sighed. He would have to deal without his temperamental friend for another few months. "Where are you going?"  
  
Jonathan didn't expect a response. Normally, Alanna wouldn't have bothered to give one. But today, over the noise of her boots clattering down the stairs, he heard, "Mindelan." 


	2. Riders

"Look out!" Kel hollered.

The sergeant she had addressed glanced up just in time to duck an arrow headed his way. He gave Kel a grateful thumbs up in response, before sending one of his own arrows flying towards his attacker.

That man was not lucky enough to have anybody point out that death was whizzing his way at high speed with feathers. He fell instantly.

Kel returned her attention to the battle. Her Group had stumbled across a nest of rogues a couple of days back, and they were still rooting the survivors out. As the head of her Group, Alun Taylor, had put it, there was nothing quite like opponents trained in stealth.

"Look out!"

Too late, Kel realised that the shout had been directed at her. She readied her bow just in time to have her world darken unexpectedly.

"And she was found, just like that?"

"S'pose they meant to use her as a hostage, or something."

"I'll never understand rogues. Every time I think I'm close to predicting their next move, they go and do something completely unexpected."

"I daresay that's the point," said a dry voice.

Kel blinked slowly, sleep deserting her. Voices in my head? she wondered. Perhaps I've finally cracked, like they all said I would.

She was sixteen, and probably should be less used to being called mad. Keladry of Mindelan had been eleven when she had left page training, as the second female page in living memory. With Lady Alanna's insistence that she continue to fight, she had opted to join the Riders. It was hard work, but she didn't mind that. Here, at least, there was nobody trying to drive her out. Here, at least, she didn't get the comments. Oh, she got the occasional "a woman's place is in the home" drivel, but nothing on the same scale as she had received at the palace.

On occasion, she slipped into a daydream or two about what would have happened, had she stuck with her fantasy of becoming the second lady knight. But Kel was too sensible to let thoughts of adoring Scanrans as she vanquished their despised warlord cloud her mind for too long.

"Why her though? There are far more valuable hostages."

Kel winced slightly as her head throbbed. That was certainly true. Whilst she was an efficient and capable Rider, there were better. She wasn't a Commander, or even a leader.

"That's right; assume everybody's as uncomplicated as you."

She decided she'd had enough eavesdropping, whether the voices were inside her mind or not. Her hands trembled slightly, but they found the edge of the bed. She gripped both sides tightly and pulled herself up into a sitting position. Her vision swam momentarily, but when it settled, she found herself presented with three people she'd never expected to see in her room. Or expected to have anything to do with her, she corrected, realising she was actually in a healer's tent.

Closest to her was the sergeant she had warned earlier that day – if, that was, they were even on the same day she remembered. He flashed her a comforting grin that, had she been standing, would have made her go weak at the knees. She managed a smile in return.

The man next to him she recognised as Evin Larse, leader of the Second Rider Group, with a reputation as a ladies' man. Up close, Kel could understand why women would flock to his side. Blond hair flopped into twinkling, long-lashed blue eyes. His mouth looked as though it could easily break into a smile at any moment. When his eyes locked with Kel's, she felt as though she would willingly do anything for this man.

The third figure made Kel start in surprise. Although she'd never met the woman before, she knew her as well as she had known Alanna the Lioness. Commander Buriram.

"Mindelan." The Commander stood. "You're to come and find me when your legs work again." She left the tent.

Kel glanced slightly nervously at the two men. Evin got to his feet, winking at Kel. "Well, looks like the lady's spoken. I'm somewhat easier to find than the Commander."

"A magnet for girls, is our Larse," muttered the sergeant, elbowing Evin good-naturedly. Evin flashed them both a grin and followed Buri out of the tent.

Kel was beginning to curse her inability to think of anything to say that wouldn't make her sound like a complete babbling idiot when the man drew his chair up to her bedside.

"Sergeant Domitan of Masbolle at your service," he informed her with a grin. "I appreciate the warning with the arrow. Sorry I didn't manage to reciprocate."

Kel shrugged. "I doubt it would have made any difference. That's what comes of being so tall, I'm quite a target."

That got another smile out of him. Kel almost felt sure that her insides were beginning to melt. "Remember anything?"

"Not since the last time we met," Kel said truthfully. "Did a lot happen?"


	3. Blackening Worlds

Whee, thanks for the reviews. Ff.n keeps screwing up my formatting, so if it's funny, just lemme know and I'll re-upload the chapter. Had a wonderful holiday, now heavily into revision, hence lack of updates. I seem to start every new chapter/fic with an apology lately, so here's yours – sorry about that. I'm glad joining the Riders isn't too cliché, and Dom turning up quickly :P

*

_"You got the wrong one," hissed a voice, the owner of which was apparently invisible._

_"Didn't," insisted a lower tone grumpily, this one belonging to an enormous figure, the type one expected to find with a club in hand. "They said one like this one. They – they explained her, like. And, the people was concerned for this un, shouted a – a warnin', 'n all."_

_There followed a sharp slapping sound. It appeared that the first speaker didn't like this turn of events at all. "Idiot." The voice was thin and reedy. "They do that with everyone."_

_The gruff voice mumbled something that was barely audible, about unfairness and favouritism._

_"Nonsense, Den," a clear, youthful sounding person protested. "Nobody blames you for not having been blessed with magic. Besides, I think we could find – oh, I don't know – something to do with your young warrior, eh?"_

*

Kel dragged herself up in bed, frowning. She put her hands to her throbbing temples, wondering about her dream. Perhaps her mind was trying to fill in what had happened when she had been unconscious, or something, albeit filling it with utterly ridiculous and senseless rubbish.

The room was now empty, regrettably. Company like Commander Buriram frankly scared her, but she had enjoyed talking to Domitan. She sat listlessly for a few seconds, allowing her thoughts to collect, before throwing off her blankets and setting her feet on the ground. She struggled into her clothes, wondering at her weakness – she had only been knocked unconscious, after all. Shaking her head in bemusement, she left the tent.

"Do you know where I could find Comm – Evin Larse?" she asked a nearby couple, choosing the less frightening of the two at the last moment and figuring Evin would be easier to talk to than Buriram anyway. From the way their hands were entwined and his eyes lingered upon her face, as though he couldn't bear to tear them away, not even to address Kel, she guessed they were lovers. Momentarily, her heart twinged, but she kept her face impassive.

The boy scratched his head, ruffling already messy brown hair. "Do you know, sweet?" he asked the girl.

She was a pretty thing, huge blue eyes set against tanned skin. Kel wouldn't have picked her for a Rider, save the attire. She looked as though she'd faint at the sight of blood. Then again, that was something Kel had felt very much like doing during her first battle, and she was sturdy enough. "That tent," she informed Kel, pointing. "Say, aren't you-"

Kel winced. "The second female page in living memory? Well, I was, anyway." She placed a light but firm emphasis on 'was', reminding them that it was in the past tense.

They blinked as one. Kel stepped back slightly, vaguely unnerved by this. "Uh, no. I was going to ask if you were the one out of Taylor's squad, who the rat bags got."

"Oh." Kel faltered slightly, having been caught off-balance. She was too used to being interrogated about her former knighthood dreams. Silently, she chastised herself for being too free with her tongue. "Ah, yes, yes, I was."

The boy leaned forward, interest kindling in his gaze. "I heard about you, actually. They say you were merely comatose when you were returned, entirely unmarked. Can you recall any faces, names, places?"

Kel shook her head. The boy's steady stare was beginning to unnerve her "Ah – so, can you tell me where he is?"

"Third tent to your right," the blonde girl instructed, eyeing Kel curiously. The interest passed, however, much to Kel's relief, as the couple returned to what they had been doing before she had interrupted. 

Obediently, Kel left them alone, moving to stand outside the third tent to the right. She swallowed nervously and wondering if she'd look stupid if she tried to knock. She was saved from her indecision as to how best to alert them to her presence by the blue-eyed sergeant from yesterday. 

"Awaiting divine inspiration?" he enquired, mouth curled in a teasing grin.

She brushed her hair out of her face, tilting her head back so she could look up at him. "Not exactly," she admitted. "A door, maybe."

He tilted his head on one side, fixing her with his bright blue eyes. "Is the lack of privacy getting to you? Let me guess, you have a hidden secret?" His gaze narrowed speculatively. "You're really a boy, and the page thing was an attempt to regain normality?"

She frowned at him. "Ah, no. I just want somewhere to knock."

He flashed her a grin. "My apologies, my lady, I suppose I've been spending too much time with my cousin. The sight of a female is enough to send my brain into overload. As to knocking, why bother, when you can just go in?" With that, he pushed open the flap and entered the tent. Kel gulped and followed.

Luckily, Evin wasn't getting up to any of his nefarious deeds at that precise moment. He leaned back in his chair and offered the two a wide grin. "So, my lovelies, what can I do for you?"

"You can save me from that idiot," Domitan muttered, sinking into a seat. "Mithros, the fool hasn't stopped asking me questions since I woke up this morning. I swear he's been thinking up more since last night."

From the use of the masculine pronoun, Kel surmised it wasn't her that was being spoken about. Evin's smirk widened. "That's a shame. I really felt that you two were beginning to connect. So much so that I've suggested Nicholas join the King's Own on a permanent basis."

"Milord wouldn't allow you to," Domitan shot back, hands tightening on the edge of his chair.

"Milord wouldn't mind if he knew the bargain I was prepared to strike," Evin said carefully, the grin vanishing off his face, though Kel had her suspicions that it would reappear shortly.

"Which is?"

Evin leant forward. "Now _that_ would be telling," he said confidentially.

Finally a grin spread over Domitan's own face. "You're lying," he announced finally, triumph tingeing his words. "There is no bargain, short of banning all social engagements throughout the realm of Tortall for the next three centuries that would induce Lord Sir Raoul to enter into such an agreement, _particularly_ with you."

"And who says that isn't the exact bargain I've struck?" Evin wanted to know. This comment earned him a cushion in the face. This appeared to knock some sense into him, because he then remembered that Kel was there too. "So, what was it _you_ came for?"

Kel was standing awkwardly, but not because she felt left out of the friendly exchange going on around her. She glanced up sharply at Evin's question, then felt her throat seize up. "I – I-" she managed, before her world flickered, and blackened.


End file.
